Majority of people will go through hard times in their life. These times will throw us off. These times will change us. These times will often make us feel like we are stood still in life, and losing the person that we are, especially when we feel like we are the only person going through this, it can feel as if these times are dampening our self-growth. It destroys your confidence, motivation, and drive to continue our growth in life.
I’ve always been conflicted about the fact that I can make my life exactly how I want it to be or letting fate plan things out for me, and just staying where I am. Recently I have realised that I have become stagnant in life, I have stayed in a comfortable place in life, there’s no thrill anymore.
When I noticed how ‘real-life’ can be, seeing other people around progressing in life: starting new jobs, moving out from home, having children, getting married, it made me feel like not only was my life stagnant, but I was almost going backwards. I was left thinking, where do I go from here? How can I fix this? I found out the answer was simply: start the journey again.
Stop Looking Back.
Everybody does it, looking back into times where you thought you were on track, wishing you could go back, recreating what you were doing then. I found myself thinking back to things such as: what were my favourite candles back then? What skincare products did I use? Who were my friends then? It would almost get obsessive as if these thoughts were creating a time machine to wizz me back there, but let me tell you, no matter how hard you try, things will not go back to how they were, because you are not that person anymore, things change, that is just the way life works.
Trying to go back to your ‘old self’ will only make your self-growth even more stagnant. Instead of trying to recreate that person again, use it as motivation, use what you are going through to motivate you to become a better person. Whatever you are trying to overcome, stop looking back, whether you’re reminiscing on the ‘good old times’ or reliving your past mistakes, you cant continue if you aren’t living in the present and focusing on the future.
Step Back From The Big Goal.
When I feel overwhelmed and as if I’m not getting anywhere, my favourite thing to do is to break my goals into tiny little things. If you have a big goal without thinking about the little goals to get there it can feel impossible. Think of it as a three-storey building, the top floor is the goal, the stairs are the little in between goals, if that building doesn’t have the stairs, you cannot get to the third floor. This is why smaller goals work well as they’re less intimidating and you get satisfied by achieving things, I did a post about how to achieve that feeling every day just here.
When problems start to happen, you start to feel like you’re losing control over everything, it makes it hard to not want the big goal, without thinking of how to get there, that’s when things start to spiral, and you start to get discouraged. Please take a step back, and forget about that goal, just for a minute, now take a step in the direction of the smaller goals, action them, one step at a time, the more of these you achieve, the closer you get to that third floor without obsessing, almost like it was just meant to happen. an example of these little goals could be:
- Making your bed in the morning
- Self-care (I also have a post on how to care for yourself every day here)
- Going to work when you don’t want to.
- Talking to people.
All these things may have felt effortless once, but become dreaded errands now. You could feel like you have absolutely no energy to do these things, but even if you give yourself one little thing a day, these will start to become effortless once again, things can start to feel under control again, and that you are taking a step forward in self-growth.
Meet The ‘You’ You Are Today.
Some days you will have a burst of motivation, you feel strong enough to work on your goals and take steps, but on others, you will feel defeated and like you cannot achieve anything. This is perfectly fine, nobody can give 100% every single day, you’re only human! This is why you need to meet the person you are right now, at this moment.
Check-in with yourself, pay attention to how you’re feeling, make this a daily thing (making this a daily thing is important) when you’re going about your usual day, when you’re getting ready for work, on your way to work, or even eating dinner. Once you start to tune in with yourself you will notice the difference in your mindset or even the person you are moulding into. You will also start to realise the days you are able to go that extra mile, and the days where you need a rest and to be gentle with yourself. Create a relationship with yourself, only you can do this step, but you will never look back.
I know this is a cliche, but just be grateful for what you have, whether that is being surrounded by people who care about you, being in a stable job, having a pet that relies on your love, or even just having a roof over your head. When you start to think of just one thing every day that you are grateful for things to start to get better. You will slowly start to just enjoy the good things more than dwell on the bad. The golden trick is to do this daily, train your brain that there is brightness even if you feel like all the lights are broken.
‘Other people have it worse’, the phrase that sends everybody into feelings of shame, anger and guilt, however, it is true, everybody can relate to this. Perspective is very important for self-growth, to see that other people are also struggling, however, this saying does not mean that you do not deserve the way you are feeling, it does not make your struggle invalid, it just means that you are not alone in feeling the way that you do.
Remember why self-growth is important.
Self-growth is a life long process or personal development, chasing your dreams, and achieving goals that can be so fulfilling, but also challenging and just terrifying, much like the phrase ‘no pain no gain’ i always think that if you’re not scared then you don’t want it enough, majority of the time, only good things come out of fear. Do not forget to a step back when things get overwhelming, and remember to take the stairs!